Glossary of Inspirational Quotes that Rekindle the Soul
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Glossary of Inspirational Quotes that Rekindle the Soul | |
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| Quote:Admit it, sport-utility-vehicle owners! It's shaped a little differently, but it's a station wagon! And you do not drive it across rivers! You drive it across the Wal-Mart parking lot![Dave Barry] Quote:I don't know what the new Ford will be called. Probably something like the 'Ford Untamed Wilderness Adventure.' In the TV commercials, it will be shown splashing through rivers, charging up rocky mountainsides, swinging on vines, diving off cliffs, racing through the surf, and fighting giant sharks hundreds of feet beneath the ocean surface -- all the daredevil things that cars do in Sport Utility Vehicle Commercial World, where nobody ever drives on an actual world. In fact, the interstate highways in Sport Utility Vehicle Commercial World, having been abandoned by humans, are teeming with deer, squirrels, birds, and other wildlife species that have fled from the forests to avoid being run over by nature-seekers in multi-ton vehicles barreling through the underbrush at 50 miles per hour.[Dave Barry] Quote:I assume you are on the Internet. If you are not, then pardon my French, but vous ehzeh un big loser. Today EVERYBODY is on the Internet, including the primitive Mud People of the Amazon rain forest. In the old days, when the Mud People needed food, they had to manually throw spears at wild boars; whereas today they simply get on the Internet, go to www.spear-a-boar.com and click their mouse a few times (the Mud People use actual mice). Within three business days, a large box is delivered to them by a UPS driver, whom they eat.[Dave Barry] Quote:I have not felt remotely cool for a long time, thanks largely to the relentless efforts of my teenage son, whose goal in life is to make me feel 3,500 years old. We'll be in the car, and he'll say, 'You wanna hear my new CD?' And I, flattered that he thinks his old man might like the same music he does, will say 'Sure!' So he increases the sound-system volume setting from '4' to 'Meteor Impact,' and he puts in a CD by a band with a name like 'Pustule,' and the next thing I know gigantic nuclear bass notes have blown out all the car windows and activated both the driver- and passenger-side air bags, and I'm writhing on the floor, screaming for mercy with jets of blood spurting three feet from my ears. My son then ejects the CD, smiling contentedly, knowing he as purchased a winner. On those extremely rare occasions when I like one of his CDs, I imagine he destroys it with a blowtorch.[Dave Barry] Quote:Everyone is in awe of the lion tamer in a cage with half a dozen lions -- everyone but a school bus driver.[Laurence Peter] Quote:Men go abroad to wonder at the heights of mountains, at the huge waves of the sea, at the long courses of the rivers, at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motions of the stars, and they pass by themselves without wondering.[Saint Augustine] Quote:Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.[Mark Twain] Quote:Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in one ahead.[Author Unknown] Quote:What is it that makes a complete stranger dive into an icy river to save a solid-gold baby? Maybe we'll never know.[Jack Handey] Quote:ONE WHO WAITS: There are those who believe that time is a wheel turning forever. Which would mean that your moment will surely come. Then, there are those who believe that time is a river. Which, if that's true, it's possible that your moment has already flowed by.<br> ED: Which one do you think it is?<br> ONE WHO WAITS: Ah. I think that time is just time. [Geoffrey Neighor] Definitions of: riverDefinition: One who rives or splits.Definition: To hawk by the side of a river; to fly hawks at river fowl. |
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